2 More Good Resons Never To Mess With Women

Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seventeen years and I have nothing to
show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to
tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new
hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of
silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or
anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore,
whatever the case is, I 'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!

Response:

Dear Ex-Husband -
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that
you and I have been married for seventeen years, although a good man is a far
cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown
out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you g ot a hair cut last week, the first thing that came
to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to
say anything if you can't say anything nice.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the
price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my
sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning ... and your
silk boxers were $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I
quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home
you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. >

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said
that with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So
take care.
Signed,
Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
===================================================
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widowed father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So one evening, he went to a singles bar, where he spots the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, her natural beauty takes his breath away.

I may look just like an ordinary man," he says, as he walks up to her,"but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

The woman went home with Charles that evening, and the next day, she became his stepmother.

[see: 2 Good Reasons Never To Mess With Women]