Interrogation

One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation during dinner:
Woman: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not - don’t you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
Man: Okay, I’d get married again.
Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
Man: (makes audible groan)
Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can’t use them; she’s left-handed.
Woman: - - - silence - - -
Man: Crap.

Dumb Lables

Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Dial Soap
Directions: Use like regular soap.

Hairdryer:
Do not use while taking a shower.

Zantac 75
Do not take if allergic to zantac.

Sleeping Pills
Warning: May cause Drowsiness

Christmas Lights
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only. (What else is there?)

Matches
Caution: Contents may catch fire.

Children's Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.

Rowenta Iron
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.

Slush Puppy Cup
This ice may be cold

American Airlines Peanuts
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

Nabisco Easy Cheese
For best results, remove cap.

500-piece puzzle:
Some assembly required.

Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.

Hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious...)


Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children. (Possibly lost in translation?)

Infant's bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water.

Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges:
Not meant as substitute for human companionship.

Bottle of shampoo for dogs
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.

Toner cartridge for a laser printer
Do not eat toner.

13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow
Not intended for highway use.

A toilet bowl cleaning brush.
Do not use orally.