One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation during dinner:
Woman: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not - don’t you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
Man: Okay, I’d get married again.
Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
Man: (makes audible groan)
Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can’t use them; she’s left-handed.
Woman: - - - silence - - -
Man: Crap.
10.15.2007
10.01.2007
Dumb Lables
Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Dial Soap
Directions: Use like regular soap.
Hairdryer:
Do not use while taking a shower.
Zantac 75
Do not take if allergic to zantac.
Sleeping Pills
Warning: May cause Drowsiness
Christmas Lights
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only. (What else is there?)
Matches
Caution: Contents may catch fire.
Children's Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
Rowenta Iron
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
Slush Puppy Cup
This ice may be cold
American Airlines Peanuts
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
Nabisco Easy Cheese
For best results, remove cap.
500-piece puzzle:
Some assembly required.
Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.
Hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious...)
Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children. (Possibly lost in translation?)
Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Dial Soap
Directions: Use like regular soap.
Hairdryer:
Do not use while taking a shower.
Zantac 75
Do not take if allergic to zantac.
Sleeping Pills
Warning: May cause Drowsiness
Christmas Lights
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only. (What else is there?)
Matches
Caution: Contents may catch fire.
Children's Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
Rowenta Iron
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
Slush Puppy Cup
This ice may be cold
American Airlines Peanuts
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
Nabisco Easy Cheese
For best results, remove cap.
500-piece puzzle:
Some assembly required.
Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.
Hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious...)
Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children. (Possibly lost in translation?)
Infant's bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water.
Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges:
Not meant as substitute for human companionship.
Bottle of shampoo for dogs
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
Toner cartridge for a laser printer
Do not eat toner.
13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow
Not intended for highway use.
A toilet bowl cleaning brush.
Do not use orally.
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